New year, same post ...

This is always the time of the year when I am optimistic about the coming year. This year, though, I want to make a couple of resolutions. I know I know ... new year's resolutions are a bit cliched. However, I think they are perfectly natural ... the future suddenly feels like a fresh canvas that can become anything that hard work and desire can make it.

1. I'm going to finish my proposal and collect data before Christmas. This MUST be done for me to graduate. I'm working 30 hours a week but not taking any classes except research. This is it ... the big push ... the time to actually live buried in academia like a true graduate student.

2. I'm going to flex my teaching muscles. I'm doing some training for ITaP this semester, and the new material has flexed my creative teaching side a bit. I'm going to apply that to my own lab section ... it's a special section anyway, but I need to sit down and think about implementing new things into the lab.

Mini-reviews: Source Code and Extract

Source Code

I picked up Source Code because it had fairly decent buzz. To be honest, it was a film that I had thought about seeing in the theater, but my general aversion the rudeness displayed in most movie screenings left me waiting until DVD. Thankfully $1 donated to RedBox later, I was finally able to see this Jake Gyllenhaal masterpiece ... OK ... perhaps a bit of hyperbole ... but it wasn't bad.

Unfortunately the interesting discussion spawned by Source Code would be incredibly spoilerific. So ... keeping it fairly spoiler-free ... the movie is about a soldier who is trying discover the identity of a bomber on a Chicago commuter train. He is dropped into the situation and has has 8 minutes until the explosion, and as the movie progresses, you this event transpired again and again in a Groundhog Day-esque way. Unlike Groundhog Day, however, the replay of the train scene is intercut with interludes of the solider in a "capsule," discussing events with his superiors and, in a sometimes-clumsy way, progressing the "why is this happening" plot forward. Paradoxically, the "how" explanation of Source Code both works and fails miserably. The how is interesting, but it also does not stand up to much post-viewing dissection. It unfortunately also inserts some conflict into the movie which I found fairly uninteresting and, since the interludes are fairly short, really seem to be there to keep the plot moving.

In the end, I recommend Source Code, especially if it's $1 out of your local RedBox.

Extract

Extract is Mike Judge's latest movie and, in case you forget, Mike Judge is the guy who brought us the cult-classic, Office Space (among other things). LIke Office Space, Extract takes a few shots at working life, this time in a factory that creates food extracts. Unfortunately, most of the movie falls very flat. The charm of Office Space is that, while the characters may not have been "normal," you could still identify with them. In Extract, the main character (played by Jason Bateman) owns the company and his bit worries are that 1) he might be able to sell his company to General Mills and 2) he wants an excuse to sleep with new employee MIla Kunis, so he arranges for his wife (Kristin Wiig) to be seduced by a gigolo. Sorry ... not buying THAT setup ... which is a shame because I had high hopes for a movie with such a talented cast ( in addition to those already mentioned, Ben Affleck and J.K. Simmons).

It's not relatable. It's rarely funny. Skip it.

Dissertation determination

Life of a grad student revolves around deadlines ... work, school, research, play ... they all compete for attention. I've found that "soft" deadlines are not an effective motivator for me, especially when I have multiple other things with firm deadlines. I'd like to say that if I worked less (but then was much poorer), I've have more time for my research and writing, but I don't really think that is the case. Work is something tangible, something that I work on with other people and know that they also (at least kind of) connected into the same thing.

I sometimes feel so silly. My dissertation is just research. It will not change the world. It will not be perfect by an means. I can say this without even a complete proposal because it is obvious. Why then is it hard? I whine to myself about needing to finish. I have the ball in my court and yet the game stalls.

I guess I'll keep this simple for myself. I will be done with my proposal in one month (at least a good draft will be out). I will have my data collected by Christmas. I WILL defend in the spring and, one year from now, I will graduate (about 8 years after starting grad school). It's time to act. It's time to finish. It's time to start a new chapter in my life.

It will happen.

Oh poor blog ...

Though I know my blog is inanimate, I still feel sorry for it. After many years of use, it has fallen silent, started gathering dust, ridden into the sunset, and any performed any other cliche imagery imaginable.

I'm not sure why I stopped writing. It's easy to say that social media (Facebook, etc) has siphoned off my creative stream ... but that can't be all, can it? I think it is now more about the audience. When I first started my blog, I could joke all I wanted to about readership, but the fact that someone paid attention (even a tiny bit) was a motivating factor. Now? I have no idea who would read this (perhaps RSS feeds will surprise someone once I hit "publish").

The real fact of the matter is that I think I need this outlet. I tried podcasting, but besides finding space, etc, I felt too much like I was acting. Isn't weird that I did not want my true voice to be my "true" voice? Perhaps not ... perhaps that's just something that has always been the case. With my writing, I can take my time. I can edit, retract, and otherwise think about statements (even for a second) before making them public. I have a feeling that "natural" conversation with me can sometimes be trying. I try too hard to [fit in, make a joke, be serious, say the right thing, say the absolute wrong thing]. I love quoting pop-culture ... but does that mean that I really don't have anything of my own to say?

If the activity on this blog is any indication ... that might be a frightfully accurate assessment ......

Mac Attack

I've been doing the dance for many years. I've flirted. I've been difficult. I've even taken an extended weekend. Now it's official ... I've replaced my PC with an iMac.

What caused this change?

To be honest, not one thing I can put my finger on. I'm sure that having an iPhone and and iPad helped. The fact that Mac products hold their value pretty well also helped. Right now, I could hardly give away my 3-year old, then top-of-the-line PC.

In the end, I think it was an interest in more use of OSX along with the idea of the upgrade window. I know ... this is one thing some people hate Apple for ... each year, they roll out a new product, making what you own no longer the "hot new thing." However ... let's compare iMacs to Dells. The new iMacs were just released. Given a standard upgrade window of 10-18 months, it will be quite a while before new features are introduced. The Dell, on the other hand, is upgraded with much less fanfare (at least, I don't hear about it). However, with every new chip, new hardware advancement, etc, Dell will sell it. Thus, in two months, the same Dell machine I would have purchased might not even be available in the configuration I purchased. With an iMac, the model year pretty much determines my machine. I know ... the old me says that this means lack of choice, but I'm trying to take the positive route and say that it means support should be that much easier.

I guess we'll see ....

Spring cleaning ....

I've been on the road lately ... a lot. Or at least it feels like a lot. There was a drive to Miami (ugh). A cruise (fun). A drive back from Miami (ugh ugh ugh). A trip to New Orleans for a conference. Not to mention lots of sentence fragments.

What I've noticed is that, when trips are imminent, I let things go. I do the work I am supposed to, but I leave off the optional stuff. Writing got done, but I didn't do my dishes. I sent my required emails, but I did not take out my boxes.

This is an aggravating trait I need to work on. When I don't have a deadline (in case of chores, I won't be here anyway), I seem to let things slide in favor of things that are more pressing. That seems logical, but as I've posted before, logical isn't always the best way to live.

I'm implementing a plan to improve myself. I'm trying to eat better (take that you greedy fat cells). I'm trying to stay up on my work. I'm also trying to do at least one thing a day to make my apartment more habitable. Who knows? Perhaps in a few years, I'll be able to invite people over again. :(

Emotions don't follow logic.

You know what's tiring? My insistence on maintaining the image of the sarcastic fat guy. Not only is it cliche, but it also limits one's ability to do something else with life. Sarcasm itself is fine, though it seems to usually be the verbal weapon of choice for those who are so jaded in life that they can only mock others. Why would I want to portray that image? Who would want to date someone who constantly makes dry, snotty remarks? I used to believe that sarcasm is my way to display my wit ... it takes a sharp mind to discern the humor or insecurity in a situation and then comment on it ... or does it? Snarky comments really only serve the purpose of drawing ones attention to ones self. It says ... LOOK AT ME! I'M SO SMART! Doesn't sound so subtle or witty when you look at it that way, right? Hmmm? Sure, some people get off on sarcasm, but usually it is a one-way street ... the person delivering it. Some others can enjoy it, to a point, but who wants to live the rest of their lives with the "snotty remark" guy? You can hear her internal dialogue ... Oh really ... you have a comment about dinner? About our house? About our kids? ETC ETC ETC. There comes a point where being a jerk is ... well, being a jerk. I hid behind the fact that I was a jerk to myself. See, I'm an equal opportunity basher, right? I can call you shallow as long as I call myself fat, right? Guess what? Human emotions do not follow mathematical logic where one thing is cancelled out by another. what do you know? Two wrongs really don't make a right ... and being self-depricating is not a free pass to say whatever pops into the sarcasm center of my head.